Humility

Pride is lurking at every corner to overtake us. The process has humbled me more then anything in my life. I have never been so out of control and needed so much help in my life. God needed to do some humbling and will need to my whole life. Motherhood has been a joyous slow transition into sacrifice and unconditional love. Now all at once I have three new ones, just like that. I am trying to teach things to a 7 and 4 year old that I taught to Marya and Ezra at one and two. It is like having three new toddlers in your home in many ways. They have never been taught to properly deal with their emotions. I am daily pushed to extreme emotional places. I am in bootcamp for self-control, sacrifice and endurance. Boot camp to trust God in a whole new way to get me through each day and each new experience.. As I sit here I have worked out many times without showering because I am just too tired at the end of the day. I do plan to shower tonight though. Some of you are going, you are so gross and some of you know just what I am saying. There are moments that I sit and wish I had a friend sitting by me holding my hand and saying you can do it, keep going. Many years ago I had a vision of Christ holding me in his arms and I was limp and so weak. I see that vision often. HE is continuing to humble me and to show me his strength and His purposes and HIs faithfulness. I am learning to experience God in a new way. I have asked HIm to help me to know HIm more and He has been faithful to answer my cry.

This week Addie and Abreham have really started to grow in their English. Abreham just decided two days ago to start saying all kinds of things. Addie is working very hard at it. Jake was gone for four days and ABreham spent hours crying for him. NO matter how much I reassured him that daddy would come back it did not bring him comfort. Abreham has already lost one earthly father. I prayed over Abreham begging God to save him one day and to show him that He will never leave Him or forsake him. THese children have already experienced so much loss. When Jake got home Abreham just wanted to hold his face and smile at him and give him kisses, it was beyond sweet. When the Addie and ABreham get sad Marya and Ezra usually just jump right to it and hug them and tell them it will be ok. I love it!!!!!!

Yesterday Addie helped me clean the entire house and was so helpful and so cute. She stayed on it and was so cute. AT one point she told me to get to my room and clean. I was just laughing and thinking how so many of my friends would get a kick out of that. I have a daughter that likes to clean, WHAT????? She always says, mom let me help. She also wants to take care of me. She wants to make sure I always have food. She obviously had to worry about that with her birth mom.

As tired as I may be it is all a gift. I am humbled at my weakness and thankful for God's greatness. How else can I be humbled except to be broken, there is no short cut. How else can I see the greatness of God except to be broken and weak. I just don't know if I ever want to live any other way. A broken and contrite spirit oh Lord you will receive. I keep asking myself, Do I really believe what the word says about being a disciple of Christ?

love

Jen