The Love of a mother.

As I am cleaning the house and picking up after the kids, my daughter is disobeying me behind my back. It makes me want to scream at her and say, WHY DO I DO ANYTHING FOR YOU, YOU ARE NOT THANKFUL, YOU JUST TAKE AND TAKE AND TAKE!!!! I did not say that. There are many times a day that I want to scream that. Just as I think this, God reminds me of unconditional love. It is so hard to love with nothing in return, it is hard to love if they do not show love. Yes, of course there are times where we just hug and love on each other but there are many times that I feel very used and I am. This is exactly what I did to my mother. I often find myself wanting to act like a child. when they are mean, I want to be mean back. Being a mother has and will take everything I have to give. Every bit of patience, love, organization, creativity, perseverance, endurance, energy, it will take it all. As I struggle with my flesh God is bringing forth sin and selfishness and it has been so sanctifying. I can only imagine what is ahead. Those of you mothers that have raised kids are thinking, Jen, you have only just started, you better get ready.

I feel beyond blessed to be a mother, it has opened my eyes to so much and I cannot hide from my sin. IT stares me in the face every day. MOTHERHOOD, a life of sacrifice! Yes, that is what it is and I am so thankful for the opportunity. Go MOMS!!!!! Love with nothing in return and expect nothing, NOTHING!! Our mercies are new every morning. The word is the only thing that will satisfy our very hungry and thirsty souls. Go MOMS!!!! Pray like never before. The only hope we have for our children is that God would save them!! God please save my children, change their hearts and turn them toward you. You are my only hope, You are the treasure. Go MOMS!!!

Why Run?

I was sweating, my lungs were burning, my legs were heavy and I thought, why do I run? When did I first run just to run. I used to run because a coach told me to. As I thought back on this I remembered, it all happened after God saved me. There was so much joy in this time and so much pain. Pain of my sin, pain of relationships ending, pain of earthly loneliness. First it was pain that drove me to run and after some time it was joy. Joy of my salvation, joy of new relationships, joy of His presence (I am never lonely). That was when I was 17 years old. Now I am 28 and why do I run today. I run today because of Pain of my sin, pain of earthly loneliness, frustration with life, AND, joy of my salvation, joy of His presence, and to glorify and worship Him. As a stay at home mom, it is the place that I clear my mind, it is a very special time. As long as I am able I want to run. I will never be a great runner but i am so thankful for it. To all my fellow runners, keep it up. I know it is hard to find time, but it is worth the time!! Pain of this world drives me to run, but joy unseen keeps me going.

The fight for joy

Well it has been a while.  There have many delays with this adoption, too many to count at this point.  Each day I literally have to wrestle my flesh to the ground so I can live with joy and live in the Spirit.  I have never in my life had to fight so hard.  The Word is for sure my sword, without it I have already lost this battle.  God has been so gracious and I can see how He is pushing me so lovingly.  Pushing me like a coach that really cares and He cares enough to push me beyond what I ever thought I could do.  I see Him standing on the side of the track and when I run by He is clapping His hands and yelling go girl go, go faster, go harder, don't give in to your flesh that wants to stop and give up.  Every lap, it hurts and it involves some suffering but I am building endurance and I feel like I am running a little faster at times.  Some times I slow to a walk but then I get some encouragement and I am back to running.  Literally I run and when I run I often pray for the children and cry out to God, I worship Him and lay it all at His feet.  Running has been very healing for me through this whole process.  Okay so I am done with running analogy.  NO PAIN NO GAIN!!!

Our case has been reassigned to October, so we will continue to wait and pray.  Cara, Emily, and Paula, thank you for your words of encouragement.  Although I have never met you I feel like I am not alone.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!!  Cara, what did you think of the running bit??