kitchen window

This morning I stood at my kitchen window in Alabama. I watched all
five of my children play in a little swimming pool, laughing,
squealing, hugging. I cannot explain how I feel. I stood at that
window many times watching Marya and Ezra play outside and I pictured
the other three with them. I stood at the window crying with sadness
as we waited for them to get here and today I stand at that window
crying tears of joy. God has done a miracle!!!
We are in Alabama to do some adoptions stuff. The kids love it here.
All the pictures we sent to the kids in Ethiopia were in this home and
Addie kept asking when we would go to that home. Since we have gotten
here she has asked if we could stay forever. We are selling this
house so we will not be staying, but they are very happy to be here.
We drove from Lincoln to Alabama in one day. THe kids did great!! WE
had no spanks, our van was mostly filled with laughter. As some of
you know Addie gets very car sick. I gave her some dramamine and some
motion sickness bands and she did great. The last hour she asked us
to pull over but she did not vomit. We made it all the way here, she
was so happy. Addie just keeps saying, mom it is so hot.
Marya and Ezra were so happy to see their clothes and toys and they
were more then happy to share it all with their new siblings.

ADDIEA-This little brave girl continues to push me daily. To learn
how to parent better, to go to God more. We have had many
conversations about her birth mom. She feels very responsible to take
care of her. she often talks about taking care of her while she is
sick and how her mom needs her to bring her water and to take care of
her legs. My heart breaks for her. Part of her is so happy to be
here and part of her feels like her birth mom needs her. In the last
month though she has told us a few times that she never wants to leave
us. She said when I get big I will not leave you I want to stay with
you forever. We continue to bond more and more and she adores her
daddy. She also wants to talk about the bible all the time. She has
a real desire to understand sin and what it means to know Jesus. I
love it.
MARYA- She has grown up so much through this process. Her and Addie
talk about wanting to help people on the streets. We came in contact
with another homeless man in Lincoln. The girls gave them their money
and a bible. AFter we pulled away Marya just started to weep and beg
to go back to she could hug him. This went on for some time. Jake
and I talked about how we never want to say no to our girls when they
want to serve someone. We never want to let them touch lives while we
sit back and watch. We have so much to learn from them. Marya is so
happy to be back in Alabama and visit her friends and to go to
Chick-fil-a.
ABREHAM-Our little smiley boy. He got two new front teeth and he is
happy about that. We just celebrated a birthday for this little guy.
He turned five May 20th. My sister gave him his first present ever
all wrapped up. He did not know what to do with it. He just smiled
at the package like that was it. We encouraged him to open it, of
course Marya was happy to show him how to unwrap it. When he
unwrapped it he just stared at the white box like that was his present
and just kept smiling. So we encouraged him to open the box and there
were some books inside, he was so happy. He got other presents for
his birthday and he is taking very good care of them. This morning
when he got up he came and clung to me very tightly and put his head
back and said, I want to stay with you. He seemed very sad. Jake got
home from running and we were trying to get him to talk to us, he
remained silent. Jake held him and sang Praise the name of Jesus,
Abreham's eyes filled with tears and big tears rolled down his cheeks.
We explained to him that he will stay with us. He nodded his head
and seems to me doing better. I don't know what was going through his
little brain but it was burdening him.
EZRA-My mother-in-law put it perfectly. He seems happy to just be
apart of the five. He is our most quiet child. He says the words I
love to hear the most, ok mom, when I ask him to do something. He
calms me down, when he comes to sit with me he does not ask anything
of me and he does not demand he usually just wants to sit and hug me
and give kisses. When it is time to work he is the most lazy so we
are working on that. He loves, loves his brothers. THis morning he
ran and gave Addie and big hug.
PETROS-HE informed us last week that he is not a baby. Addie and
ABreham often call him baby and last week he said no baby. I cannot
say enough how much this little boy has change physically. He is
still mostly smiles. He sings when he goes to bed and sings when he
gets up. Also when we drove here he spent a lot of time looking out
he window and singing.

This morning Ezra disobeyed and was going to get a spank. Marya
pleaded that she wanted to take the spank for him. Jake let her do it
and when it was over Jake took this perfect example to talk about the
gospel. The kids listened and Ezra was stunned with Marya's actions.
After we were done, Addie explained that she wanted to take all the
spanks for her brothers and sister. It was a beautiful time of
explaining the gospel.
Jake and I are so happy to be in Alabama right now. Visiting our
family here and of course we will take full advantage of the ice cream
shop down the road. We are praying for more clarity while we are
here. Our house has not sold and we still do not know where we are
moving. We are learning to be a family in many circumstances and
learning to love each other though it all. Marya and Addie continue
to want to add to our family through adoption. What is ahead for this
family?? Jake and I desire God to use us for His purposes and that we
would be willing to do anything at anytime to accomplish it.
love love
Jen

Adanech Elizabeth EliAnn

I only share this story so you can hear the heart of my little girl.

On our way home Sunday we stopped in York to go the bathroom. We saw
a homeless man that I had seen early that week in Doniphan and we felt
like God was giving us a second chance to show him Christ. So we got
him some food and stopped to talk with him. When Jake got back in the
car the kids were full of questions. Addie, asked us to go back so we
did. She got in her backpack and got out all the money she had been
saving. Whenever she finds change on the ground she puts it in her
back pack. So she got it all and gave it to him with tears in her
eyes. When she got back in the car she said to Jake and I, Ethiopia,
no home, no food, no bed, no friends help. So she was telling us she
was homeless in Ethiopia. Jake looked at her and said that is why we
came to get you. She looked at us crying happy tears with a big smile
on her face. She then proceeded to ask if she could sleep on the
floor and if this man could have her bed and her food and water. She
continued to talk and cry about him we prayed for him that night. HEr
little heart knew exactly what it felt like to be homeless and have no
help. As she learns English she shares more with us about her life
and some things are just too much to share. The compassion in her
heart is beautiful. I pray that the Lord will use her sad beginning
of life to fill her with compassion for those in need and passion to
obey Jesus Christ.
Many people have said, you guys are so kind to help these children and
change their lives. I can say the line from Blindside, no they are
changing ours.
love love
Jen

Teeth

Forgive me if this does not make much sense, I am tired. I have gotten this question a lot. Do you feel attached with your new children? Do you feel the same about them that you do about Marya and Ezra? Well today when I was getting Abreham and Addie ready to go to the surgery center for their dental surgeries, my heart was aching. Wishing I could do something to make them not have to do this. Tears welled up in my eyes as I watched them face this with so much fear. They had a lot of pain in their mouths so this was needed. I had that mama lion instinct to protect them but also knowing that this is what is best for them. So I would say, YES, I am attached with the new children. They did great!! Jake the best dad ever took the kids while I stayed home with the other three and packed for this weekend. When Jake got home we had special places set up for them to lay down and soft food to eat. They cried for a while because they just felt weird but once the anesthesia wore off they were playing like nothing happened. Abreham cried every once in a while when he would feel for his front two teeth. Addie just kept smiling. I could tell her mouth already felt better.

ADDIE-Over a year ago when we got matched with all three children I remember crying and fearing being this girls mother. Could I be the mother she needed. I was afraid to just jump into being a 7 year olds mother. I would be up at night thinking about her, filled with anxiety, knowing the reality of this. The Lord was faithful and kept pushing me to trust Him. Now she is home with me and I still deal with these fears. At the end of each day I just want to fall on my face. She needs so much. She hangs on me like a baby or toddler. Whenever I hug any of the other children she begs for a hug. She sits on me all day and won't let me do anything alone. She also wants to converse all day and I mean all day. SO I still ask God, Can I be the mother she needs. My prayer is that in five years I will be looking at a young lady that is secure in the love of Christ. I also see improvements already. I often just sit back and look at her and think, wow God she is such an amazing little girl. She has been through so much and she still continues to smile. I love her so much. Pray for her heart to heal. Melissa thank you so much for all your advice. I love hearing from a mom that has been there done that. You are the best!!.

MARYA-she not only speaks some Amharic now but she also speaks broken English just like Addie and Abreham. Mommy, me drink, me outside. She cracks us up. Today as we were saying good by to Addie and Abreham she was crying and was afraid for them. She keeps asking me if we can adopt more children. Tonight she said mom, why don't all people adopt. I said good question. She really loves them. The Lord has designed this family to be together and I just love watching it all happen. Marya and Addie are both first borns so you can imagine the two big sisters that know it all. The Lord is using them in each others lives in a mighty way. They are soooooo good for each other. Marya also got her finger slammed in the door and had to go the ER. She is so brave they had to burn a whole in the fingernail to let the blood out, no tears just lots of talking to the doctor and nurses. My daughters sure can talk, once again I don't know where they get it????.

ABREHAM-I watch this son of mine during the day and just smile. He shares like no child I know. One of his sisters or brothers will say I want that he will hand it over with a smile on his face and find something else. He will push them in a swing or pull them in a wagon for hours. He is a servant, I pray he never loses that. My heart filled with joy as I watch him. He also loves to help mommy, daddy, grandpa or grandma. I never could of imagined we would be here after our start with this little guy. I often see him with is arm around Ezra or Petros just walking in the yard. I could not ask for a better big brother to those two. I think all the children are learning from him.

EZRA-The three boys can play all day without an argument. Ezra has prayed a couple times this week thanking God for his brothers. Ezra cries the easiest of the boys and Abreham is always there to help him. Ezra said yesterday, mom Abreham loves me and I say I know. I went on an errand with EZra again. HE was quiet the whole way except he said, mom, my just love Grandpa. This little boy continues to melt my heart daily. Tonight I went in after he was asleep and just held his head in my hands and prayed for him to be a man of God. A man that would proclaim the gospel to a lost world. He is my little Jake.

PETROS-He is so funny!!!! Everything he does makes us smile. I stand in amazement at his growth in every way. I have had adoptive parents tell me that consistent love and healthy environment can change a child's life. Petros is proof. He is just changing all the time. The little boy that could barely walk or hold his head up when we first got him is running around and smiling and eating like a horse. He is a very loving boy and loves to make people smile. One of my favorite things to do is put my forehead against his and sing praise the name of Jesus with him. He holds my face and sings right with me.

AS I sit and think back over this journey, I am so thankful and grateful for God's perfect timing. How did we get here God? It is all You and it is all for You. WOW, WOW, WOW, WOW, WOW!!!!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you for your prayers friends. We could not have done this without them. Thank you for carrying me at times when I was so weak I could feel the prayers. Thank you for encouraging me and pointing me continually to Christ. Jake and I still do not know our next step. We have not sold our house in AL yet. God's timing is perfect and we will wait for that. I hope some of you took the time to listen to the Radical sermon series. There are really not words to describe our feelings. Let's just say conviction and brokenness.

love Jen

Humility

Pride is lurking at every corner to overtake us. The process has humbled me more then anything in my life. I have never been so out of control and needed so much help in my life. God needed to do some humbling and will need to my whole life. Motherhood has been a joyous slow transition into sacrifice and unconditional love. Now all at once I have three new ones, just like that. I am trying to teach things to a 7 and 4 year old that I taught to Marya and Ezra at one and two. It is like having three new toddlers in your home in many ways. They have never been taught to properly deal with their emotions. I am daily pushed to extreme emotional places. I am in bootcamp for self-control, sacrifice and endurance. Boot camp to trust God in a whole new way to get me through each day and each new experience.. As I sit here I have worked out many times without showering because I am just too tired at the end of the day. I do plan to shower tonight though. Some of you are going, you are so gross and some of you know just what I am saying. There are moments that I sit and wish I had a friend sitting by me holding my hand and saying you can do it, keep going. Many years ago I had a vision of Christ holding me in his arms and I was limp and so weak. I see that vision often. HE is continuing to humble me and to show me his strength and His purposes and HIs faithfulness. I am learning to experience God in a new way. I have asked HIm to help me to know HIm more and He has been faithful to answer my cry.

This week Addie and Abreham have really started to grow in their English. Abreham just decided two days ago to start saying all kinds of things. Addie is working very hard at it. Jake was gone for four days and ABreham spent hours crying for him. NO matter how much I reassured him that daddy would come back it did not bring him comfort. Abreham has already lost one earthly father. I prayed over Abreham begging God to save him one day and to show him that He will never leave Him or forsake him. THese children have already experienced so much loss. When Jake got home Abreham just wanted to hold his face and smile at him and give him kisses, it was beyond sweet. When the Addie and ABreham get sad Marya and Ezra usually just jump right to it and hug them and tell them it will be ok. I love it!!!!!!

Yesterday Addie helped me clean the entire house and was so helpful and so cute. She stayed on it and was so cute. AT one point she told me to get to my room and clean. I was just laughing and thinking how so many of my friends would get a kick out of that. I have a daughter that likes to clean, WHAT????? She always says, mom let me help. She also wants to take care of me. She wants to make sure I always have food. She obviously had to worry about that with her birth mom.

As tired as I may be it is all a gift. I am humbled at my weakness and thankful for God's greatness. How else can I be humbled except to be broken, there is no short cut. How else can I see the greatness of God except to be broken and weak. I just don't know if I ever want to live any other way. A broken and contrite spirit oh Lord you will receive. I keep asking myself, Do I really believe what the word says about being a disciple of Christ?

love

Jen

Attachment

Hello from the wild loud house,

We have seen some major improvements this week. As Jake and I are seeking Christ and finding our first love obviously we are more content and satisfied. I find that often my emotions are dictated by my children and that is so wrong. If my satisfaction is in Christ and I know His love for me there is nothing and no one that should change my attitude. As Anthony said to me in Ethiopia, you cannot march to the beat of their drum. There is only one drum I ought to march to do and that is Christ's. So Jake and I have been listening to these sermons on Radical Christian living and it has been so timely for us. We need to be reminded daily of our call as a Christian and to be consumed with the word of God.

Addie is making huge changes. We have not had one night of crying for her birth mom or Ethiopia this week. As we have continued to assure her of our commitment and love for her and stay consistent with discipline she flourishes. We still talk about it and I think it makes her feel good to feel free to talk about it. I told her this week that I love Ethiopia and it made her so happy, so now she asks, mommy love Ethiopia?? As she goes through all of these emotions she is really attaching with Jake and I. IT is so hard for her little heart. She feels abandoned by her birth mother yet she loves us and feels like she has to choose. I don't want her to feel that. I want her to feel safe to cry about anything with me and know that I will not be jealous of her love for her birth mother. She clings to us almost like a baby. We hold her and look her in her eyes and tell her of our love daily. She freely tells us she loves us a lot. I cannot imagine what all goes through her mind. Also her pouting seems to be improving. Addie, loves me to pray for her. She always asks me to pray and she closes her eyes and holds on to me tightly and when I am finished she hugs me and says thank you mom.

Abreham, wow, I cannot say enough how different this little boy is. The more he feels safe and loved by us the more he relaxes. He is seriously an amazing playmate. He shares and takes care of people and hugs his sisters and brothers. HE loves, loves Jake and I hold him and love on him. Today I was watching him jump on the tramp with Marya and Ezra with the biggest smile. We got family pictures this week and he shut down for those and was so sad. We wasn't mad or pouting he was just truly sad, he wanted to be held by us and to be near us but he was sad. The next day we looked at some of the pictures and he said, Abreham no sad. He is such a joy!!!

Marya and Ezra continue to grow through this whole transition. I notice great changes in their character. This journey has just been so amazing for our entire family. I laid by Ezra last night and told him a few stories and just looked at his face and listened to him talk. He has changed so much and I love to watch his little mouth talk. I am so happy to see what the Lord is doing in their lives.

Petros is continuing to grow physically. He just looks so healthy. He seems to even be getting happier and happier. I didn't think it was possible for this little boy to smile any more. His kisses all of us and does his best to keep up with his brothers. Addie still loves to carry him around but he has gotten so big it is hard for her. I pray this little boy never loses his joy.

LIfe is very very crazy here. Sometimes I get sick of doing charades and just want it to be easier and I want a break. There are also times where I just don't think I could be any more joyful. I am constantly crying out to God and begging to know Him more. I am being pushed in every way and it is uncomfortable but I am seeing His promises are true. I often feel like a little girl and wonder what I am doing?? We feel like God has down a miraculous work of attachment in our family. We have so far to go but we are trusting God to take us there one step at a time.

love love

Jen

God's grace

First of all thank you so much to any of you that have prayed for us!! I am very humbled by the support and love we have received. We continue to have new joys and new struggles each day. Christ has been so faithful to continue to show us our great need for Him. As we continue on this journey, Jake and I are humbled by our sin that overwhelms us. We often doubt God and are quick to anger and worry. We long to truly believe the word of God and to walk in truth.

ADANECH-as time goes she pouts more and throws fits and tries to manipulate all situations. We knew this was coming and we are begging God for wisdom as we shepherd her hurting heart. She seems to be learning a bit that pouting just is not going to get her way. She is still the best cleaner in our house. She has been asking to go back to Ethiopia and crying to see her birth mom. She wants to take ABreham and Petros and go. We talk about it daily and I try my best to hold her and love her through it all and remind her that we are all a family. Marya will say, Addie don't leave me and Addies smiles. Then she talks about taking us all to Ethiopia. I don't want her to ever feel like she has to let go of Ethiopia and her family there. We pray for her birth mom. When she talks about it Abreham starts to cry because he does not want to go back to Ethiopia. I can't imagine what all goes through their little minds. She will come to us after hours of pouting and say sorry mom, sorry dad. We are so thankful for her!!

MARYA-Not much new here. She is still crazy, crazy, crazy. She loves a lot and gets mad fast. She is always telling Addie, please don't pout.

ABREHAM-This little boy is a new boy. HE still pouts but very little. He shares the best and is the best playmate for all of them. HE will push Petros in his stroller for hours and that is not an exaggeration. HE will give all the kids rides on his bike and loves to push them in the laundry basket. He is a very fast runner and I just laugh seeing him go. He has 0 percent body fat and is so scrappy. At night after we pray and sing, he holds my face and gives me kisses on both my cheeks and forehead.

EZRA-He is finding his place with his new brothers. The three of them playing is awesome. There is rarely any fighting. They play and play and play outside. I love watching the boys play, it just makes my heart sore. Ezra started to say I love you mama and I said no you say, my love you mama. It always make me sad when my kids start saying things right.

PETROS-When everything is just too crazy Jake says focus on Petros and you will smile. He is full of joy almost all the time. If he is sad or upset it is over very very fast. He has been combining Ahmaric and English, it is so cute. HE sings himself to sleep and wakes up singing. I pray he never loses this joy. HE is getting faster on those feet of his.

We have gone running with the kids a few times. Addie and Abreham are fast and can go for it. Those of you that know I love distance running, know that made me excited. I went and bought them running shoes and they were very excited. So they will be running with us a lot. My little marathoners!!!! Marya said, I need to practice, it was really cute.

Jake turned 31 and his mom and dad and Ellie came to celebrate. The kids loved it and keep asking for them to come back. We got to have Buzz'a ribs and kids loved them, it was so great.

Jake and I are listening to a sermon series on radical Christian living. I really encourage you to take the time to listen. I had a number of people suggest it to us and I am so thankful. It is worth losing sleep over and giving up some TV. We are very much in need of these sermons.

Here is the link: http://www.brookhills.org/media/series/radical

love love you

Jen

5 weeks

AT this very moment all five kids are outside and I am having a moment of silence and I am choosing to listen to some new Benjah as loud as I can.

This morning Jake and I had some sweet prayer time. Right now we are struggling through our calling as a family. We are meditating on what it means to not be conformed to this world and what it truly means to renew our minds. Every day we feel the pull to live comfortably and to be safe. We go back and forth every day wanting to be logical and then wanting to be radical. We are trusting that God is going to answer our prayer for clarity.

This is a short update. The kids continue to learn more English. They use the word mom all day because that is one word they know very well. This morning when I was running (yes Jake let me go for a run) I was praying and feeling overwhelmed as I often do. I felt the Lord saying use this time to draw from my strength, to learn true joy and to walk humbly. As I was finishing my run I could hear the laughter of five children and I could see them playing outside. When they saw me they all ran to me and tackled me and gave me many kisses, LOVED IT!!!!!!

Adanech and Abreham continue to pout a lot when they do not get their way. It gets very annoying but I believe there will be a day that they love their new limits. If I take Adanech to any store like Walmart she goes crazy asking for everything she sees and I have to tell her no over and over again and then the pouting and fake crying starts. IT is very overwhelming for her, sometimes I laugh at the craziness and other times it takes every bit of self-control to not scream.

There are new joys and struggles each day. I have my doctorate in cleaning up vomit this last month. I am a pro. Addie and Abreham vomit from their asthma a lot and then we had the stomach bug come through the house and having all those sick kids sure makes me reconsider more kids!!

The kids really bonded with Amanda this last week and it is good to see that. They have been asking for her all day. The first day she was with us the noise overwhelmed her and she slowly got used to it.

Well my quiet time is ending as I hear some fighting outside.

love love

Jen