It hurts, it hurts so bad! All my sin and fear causes so much hurt!
It brings up feelings that I remember from junior high. Insecurities that are so ugly. I push everyone away in an attempt to keep myself safe from all the pain of saying goodbye and not wanting anyone to love me so it doesn't hurt so bad. Not wanting to owe anyone anything. Just pushing through life one day at a time desperately trying to live today. As I feel all this so much is revealed about me. I am dependent on friendships and love to feel safe and I am not dependent on Christ to feel safe and secure. Oh how that reality hurts. THank you Christ for this realization. I have moved many times and felt this many times and thought about his many times and God so patiently continues to teach me that He is enough, His grace is enough. He can be my dearest friend.
me: How will I love my 10 year old daughter who needs so much when I am so empty.
God: I will supply the love Psalm100:5
me: How will I make new friendships when I am so guarded?
God: I will be your dearest friend and I will fulfill every promise. John 15:13
me: I am scared to let people into my crazy life.
God: Their is a friend that sticks closer then a brother. Proverbs 18:24
me: How will I make my children feel safe and excited when I am so tired and scared?
God: You will find your rest in me and repent of your fear and walk in faith. Hebrews4:3, 2Cor. 5:7, Isaiah 41:10
me: Nothing around me is stable and I don't trust anyone.
God: I have proven myself true and I am the rock that you can stand on. Proverbs30:5
So that is the conversation I have with God sometimes many times a day. He is so faithful and I am so not. My prayer as that through all of this I will come out on the other side knowing Christ more and more humble. May my pride and expectations be destroyed. My I trust the One that is worthy. So here is to our tenth move in ten years of marriage. Not sure where we are going but so thankful that God does know.
It hurts, but this hurt is good if I look to Christ.
3 comments:
i facebooked you if you have time, let's connect. angie
Good hurt. Praying to your hurt as you lean and press into Him. Thank you for sharing. I needed to hear this as well. A {much} needed reminder. Praying as you enter in His season of building. We love you guys!
Amazing truths, Jen!
Post a Comment