I NEVER WANTED TO BE ADOPTED!

Every time we move or travel or change things our adopted children regress, which adds to an already stressful situation. So, here we are in the midst of a lot of stress again and Adanech is needing a lot from me.  We have spent hours talking, praying, talking, praying and doing it all again. Unfortunately, through all this I know she is feeling my annoyance and my exhaustion.  I am hugging her often but I know she can feel my coldness. After a very long day with Adanech (I mean long!!!), she shouts at me with all the anger she could. I NEVER WANTED TO BE ADOPTED!!!!!

Now back up three weeks...
We just had moved to Omaha and everything was chaotic. Only half of our stuff was in our home and nothing felt familiar.  Adanech was giving me all the bad attitude she could, in school, at play time, during bedtime and mealtime.  She took every chance she could to roll her eyes at me and to rebel.  It was tiring me out and I was offended. I wanted to act like a child and return the attitude.

As she is yelling this at me as loud as she can, my response is:
"I know baby, I know."

I said "come here", and she did.

I hug her and ask her to go upstairs with me ask her if she wants to yell a bit and beat her pillow. I show her how.  She then proceeds to beat her pillow weeping and saying "I never wanted to be adopted!"

I say again, "I know baby, I know."

When she sits down, we chat about it and how she is feeling.

I go down to get her supper because she wants to be in her room and I bring it up to her.  I then pick her up and she is not little.  I hold her like a baby and rock her and sing a song of love into her ear.

I cry.

She cries.

Then God reminds me that He can love her even when I have no love and am so tired and angry and want to walk away.  He reminds me that in humility I will change.  He reminds me of who He is.  He reminds me that she is my daughter.  He reminds me that I am His daughter.  What a sweet moment and in that moment I feel Adanech and I take a huge jump forward in our attachment with each other.  It is a win people! Once again, we have so far to go but, we just keep going by the grace of God.  This is what I am believing for my beautiful daughter.

Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Although her wounds are many and her heart is in many pieces I believe that she will be healed.