Why Run?

I was sweating, my lungs were burning, my legs were heavy and I thought, why do I run? When did I first run just to run. I used to run because a coach told me to. As I thought back on this I remembered, it all happened after God saved me. There was so much joy in this time and so much pain. Pain of my sin, pain of relationships ending, pain of earthly loneliness. First it was pain that drove me to run and after some time it was joy. Joy of my salvation, joy of new relationships, joy of His presence (I am never lonely). That was when I was 17 years old. Now I am 28 and why do I run today. I run today because of Pain of my sin, pain of earthly loneliness, frustration with life, AND, joy of my salvation, joy of His presence, and to glorify and worship Him. As a stay at home mom, it is the place that I clear my mind, it is a very special time. As long as I am able I want to run. I will never be a great runner but i am so thankful for it. To all my fellow runners, keep it up. I know it is hard to find time, but it is worth the time!! Pain of this world drives me to run, but joy unseen keeps me going.

The fight for joy

Well it has been a while.  There have many delays with this adoption, too many to count at this point.  Each day I literally have to wrestle my flesh to the ground so I can live with joy and live in the Spirit.  I have never in my life had to fight so hard.  The Word is for sure my sword, without it I have already lost this battle.  God has been so gracious and I can see how He is pushing me so lovingly.  Pushing me like a coach that really cares and He cares enough to push me beyond what I ever thought I could do.  I see Him standing on the side of the track and when I run by He is clapping His hands and yelling go girl go, go faster, go harder, don't give in to your flesh that wants to stop and give up.  Every lap, it hurts and it involves some suffering but I am building endurance and I feel like I am running a little faster at times.  Some times I slow to a walk but then I get some encouragement and I am back to running.  Literally I run and when I run I often pray for the children and cry out to God, I worship Him and lay it all at His feet.  Running has been very healing for me through this whole process.  Okay so I am done with running analogy.  NO PAIN NO GAIN!!!

Our case has been reassigned to October, so we will continue to wait and pray.  Cara, Emily, and Paula, thank you for your words of encouragement.  Although I have never met you I feel like I am not alone.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!!  Cara, what did you think of the running bit??

Be Still, My Soul

Be still, my soul,
The Lord is on your side.
Bear patiently, the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to your God, to order and provide.
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul,
Your best your heavenly friend, 
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul,
Your God will undertake
To guide the future as he has the past.
Your hope, your confidence let nothing shake.
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul,
The waves and winds still low
His voice who ruled them while he lived below.

Be still, my soul,
Be still, my soul,
Be still.

Those of you that know me, know how hard it is for me to be still.  I am being still today.  As John Piper says, I am waging war against my sin.  My sin of fear and anxiety.  In order to do that I must be still.  When I say wage war, I mean wage war.  This is war!!!  I have fear coming from every direction I will not let it take over.  I choose to believe the voice of truth.

Despair

2 Corinthians 4:8-10

  We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair, persecuted, but not forsaken, struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of JEsus so that the life of JEsus may also be manifested in our bodies.

Bring it Paul!!!!  YEs that scripture just excites me and brings me to tears at the same time.  What Paul and his buddies were facing is so much more difficult then what I face but look at what he was writing and he meant it.  This is a life with Christ and life not lived in the flesh.  Bring it on flesh because you are going down!!!

As we wait for the kids I go through such a crazy range of emotions but God's word always gives me a good slap in the face and I am so thankful.  I long to go into hiding with my bible and just pray and read until we get the kids.  That is not possible and not what God has in mind for us.  We must keep living, we must keep serving HIm, we must keep parenting the children we have and be obedient in that, we must keep worshipping Him!!  I even have to keep cleaning and cooking while we wait.  OH it hurts so bad, but I guess I can so no pain no gain.  There is pain in growing and maturing out faith.  Yes God I want it but please carry me through this.

challenge SIMPLIFY!!

Jake and I are always talking about simplifying our home.  So tonight we both got rid of five things we don't need and we going to keep doing that every night until we are more simple.  We just have too much stuff.  I am so excited.  For example tonight I got rid of three scarves, a bra, and a purse.  Every night we will just look through our stuff and get rid of five things.  Let me know if any of you want to join us and we will keep each other updated.  I love getting rid of stuff!!!!!  It makes me so happy.  Before we started this we got rid of a lot of clothes but we still have so much to get rid of.  SIMPLIFY!!

Wait

Psalm 27:14

    Wait for the Lord;

     be strong and let your heart take courage;

    wait for the Lord!

  Today was supposed to be the day the the kids were legally ours but God has a different plan.  Their court date was postponed until March 13th.  I am so thankful that it is only two weeks away but you never know we may get postponed again.  Hope in Africa is confident that they will be approved at this second hearing.  This morning as Jake and I and the kids were all on our knees praying for the children and for this court date God brought peace.  Next I went to check my email and received the news.  God is giving us a wonderful opportunity to learn to wait on Him and to be patient.  As I cry today it is only because I have to wait longer to hug my children and tell them I love them.  Please pray that they will have their court date on March 13th and that all will go through smoothly.

Tea Party

Halle Glass, Rosemary Thompson, Jasmine Green, Marya Stutzman

Marya and Jasmine getting ready to go to the party.

Marya

the girls playing outside in the little cottage

It was a beautiful day to be outside.

Marya went to her first tea part yesterday.  She had a great time and it was so fun to see her all dressed up.  This was Marya's first time to be dressed up like this.  She really thought she was something else.  I kept telling her, although you have a beautiful dress on and you look lovely, it is only really beautiful if you treat the girls kindly and with love.  They had pink lemonade in there tea cups and rice krispie bars with strawberries.  It was so cute to see the four girls together.  There moms are some of my best friends so it is fun to see the girls all together.  Marya borrowed the dress from Jasmine.